Kelsey: "We Travel because we need to,"

There is a quote I saw on the internet the other day, and it seemed to speak what I've had circling in my brain for months.

"We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the secret tonic to creativity. When we got home, home is still the same, but something in our minds has changed, and that changes everything!" - Jonah Leher

I just recently traveled to Colorado with my sisters, brother in law, and niece. We went out to see my Dad's family and to celebrate (early) my Grandpa's 80th birthday.

The mountains that feel like a happier version of home.

When people ask me how my trip was my reply is always the same, "It was too short." How do you tell people you feel like 'home' is no longer where you belong?  How do you tell people that walking back into work and seeing the same faces, hearing the same complaints, knowing the same agony... day after day... is wearing you out to the point of depression? I keep telling my coworkers I'm running away in February to California. I get mixed reviews on that idea. Everything from "Do it while you're young and free!" to "That's dumb, do you know the cost of living." and "The grass isn't greener on that side!" I know they all mean well, but sometimes I just wish people would mind their own.

The fact of the matter is I will be moving as soon as my debts are paid off. I sit down every day and stare at numbers... do math... (which was always my least favorite class in school) and I count down...
Only x number of payments until I'm free. If I skip lunch today I can put that $8 to my credit card debt. Would this $12 movie ticket make a dent in my car loan? Life would be so much easier if I'd never gotten a credit card. WHY did I think I needed such and expensive car? Why did I spend money on ____?! I get frustrated because all the things I thought I needed along the way.... have added up to one giant monetary speed bump.

Little "Lenard" learning how to climb rocks and love the mountains! 

Already the money I spent on my Colorado trip has me frustrated. I loved the get away, but was it worth it for such a short trip? Should I have driven out, stayed longer, spent less money? Should I have toughed it out at home, cashed in the hours to pay down my car loan?

I eat "healthy" mostly vegan/vegetarian foods. Organic if the option is there. Every time I go grocery shopping I see the carts loaded with Ramen noodles and other 'cheap' junk foods. IF I comprimised my morals and my health I could quarter my grocery budget and put that money to my debts. But at what cost?

My mental health when depression creeps in?
My physical health when my Graves' Disease goes out of remission because of a poor diet?
My moral health when I'm ok with poor working conditions, shipping food from around the world, and allowing for child labor, slaughter houses, etc... all things that weigh heavily on my heart?

I guess I'll compromise... I'll pay off my debts slower because of eating healthy local food. I'll pay them off with little chunks of money I find by skipping that latest movie, turning off Netflix, doing any and all art projects I can squeeze in, picking up extra shifts on top of the 68 hours a week I currently work... or maybe...

I'll just run away.