I went to a funeral today. It was the second this week. Both of the deceased were a part of my large family. I couldn't help but stop and think as I sat in the back of the nearly silent church today... I thought of just how many funerals I've been to in the last year. It seems all too common for me because of my work with the elderly. Nursing homes and funerals kind of go hand-in-hand. But when two funerals are in one week... it takes a tole on you mentally, emotionally and physically.
The first funeral I went to on Saturday was my elderly Great Aunt, sister to my Paternal Grandmother. She was a shining personality full of life and laughter. Often she would be found singing with a beautiful soprano voice. She was the life of the party and we spent many Christmases at her house where every corner hosted a christmas tree loaded with shining trinkets; each one had its own theme. The food would practically be spilling from the counter and table while family was crammed shoulder to shoulder sipping wine and telling stories and laughing. It's the colorful side of the family.
The second funeral I went to this morning was for a cousin, she was too young by many standards but cancer isn't a respecter of age. She was a much quieter personality. Every bit as fun loving and smiley but calmer. A graceful presence that was always busy helping someone or working on something. I don't know that I ever saw her hands still. It was brought out in the funeral service that she was the definition of a Proverbs 31 woman, and I have to agree.
Now as I love both of these family members I couldn't help but notice the stark differences in how the two branches of this same family tree approached the funeral service itself. For that fact every service I've been to has been similar and vastly different. From some of my residents I've been through full catholic mass, celebrations of life where the reception line was more of a meet and greet and there was roaring laughter, to my classmates' untimely death when I was a teenager where I along with our classmates stood grave side and tried to sing soprano through the lump in my throat. I've been to funerals where God is front and center, and some where he's not mentioned at all in favor for a comical story about a drawer full of losing scratch offs. There is no right way or wrong way... every one, every family is different.
The feeling at these last two funerals I went to were drastic in their difference. The first funeral was bright with color, a request of the deceased. I myself wore a cornflower blue dress with a bright orange floral belt, bright rainbow colored necklace and earrings along with brown leather boots and jacket for the cold rain of the day. The music was happy and up tempo. In the end everyone sang "It is well with my soul" and the gusto made it believable and encouraging.
The second funeral was somber. I wore all black head to toe. Black dress. Black leather coat. Black heels. Black and gold earrings. The air seemed physically heavy. Everyones hearts were broken over the loss of such a sweet woman taken too early. The whole church sat in aching silence while the choir sang soft and slow. Over all it was a level of depressed melancholy that would even have Mark Twain waxing poetic.
So what was I thinking about in the back of church? What about my funeral? When I die what will it be like? Well I thought I'd take a page from Great Aunt Dorothy's book and lay down some guidelines.
Here they are.
No black. Only I get to wear black, you all'd better be dressed colorfully, it's a celebration.
Don't cry for me, I'm simply off to my next great adventure... you all know I love a good adventure. (Who am I kidding, the Stoller family will cry regardless of sadness or happiness.)
Music. There must be music, bonus points if you catch one of my quirky-er family members dancing in the pew.
Flowers... YES but NO LILIES. They smell like dead people. Ew.
Funny stories are encouraged someone try to make the preacher man believe anything he has to say about me.
That's about it. Probably one of the stranger posts I've written in awhile but it's just my current reality. The preacher put it well today, "death is a big part of life." Dad's preferred saying is "Death is so inconvenient." No matter how you look at death, if you think it's the end of the line or the next great adventure. If you think it's the bridge between this life and heaven or hell... of if you think you'll be reincarnated... whatever your belief do it your own way.
Love you All.
