Kelsey: An overdue update

Hello all, I'm sorry for the silence. I have been in a place where I didn't really have the words or the heart to share with you what's happened. Honestly I still am struggling, but here goes nothing.

Lets back track to December, Christmas. Well the day after to be specific. I went out with some friends from work and met their precocious cheerful 'kid brother' that over the last 3 months has become my boyfriend, my rock, and my confidant. I jokingly call him a kid for the simple reason that I'm 5 years older than he is. In reality he's probably much more adult than I am. Currently we're separated by thousands of miles and 8 time zones as he's serving as an active duty Marine. 

Michael and myself at the Ice Races :)

When we met I told him all about California, I was so excited to move and while he often would tease me I was saying "Northern California" when I meant "North Carolina" (where he was based out of). He understood my excitement and we made plans of how to stay together living on opposite coasts. During his second block of leave when he was up here visiting his sister, brother in law, and me, I went to the endocrinologist for my routine 3 month labs. Yes I knew I was tired. Yes I knew I was losing weight, but I just blamed it on the stress of moving all the way across the country. 

Sadly my hopes and dreams got dashed with the words "It's back." Those are the words my endocrinologist's nurse used in telling me my Graves' Disease had flared back up and I was no longer in remission. So what does that mean, and why is that keeping me in Illinois?

Well... Graves' Disease is a thyroid disease. In my case it's Hyperthyroidism. For me personally it manifests as exhaustion, anxiety, grumpiness, forgetfulness, I struggle thinking clearly, hand tremors, heart palpitations, hair loss, muscle weakness, hot flashes and heat intolerance, as well as insomnia. YES I can take meds for it, and I am. That's why I'm stuck in Illinois. You see one other *fun* side effect of Graves' Disease is that it tanks your immune system. It's often referred to as an Autoimmune Disorder which in simple terms means my body mistakes healthy tissue for sick tissue and attacks it. By that same glitch sometimes it misses unhealthy tissue and ignores it which basically means I get sick, really easy, no matter how many apples and oranges I eat.

So. I'm stuck in Illinois. This is where my doctor is.

This is where my meds are.

This is where my income and health insurance are secure.

This is where I have to be patient and see what God has in store for me.

So the labs came back in early February. Now it's mid-March. How am I doing?

Well. I've maintained my weight give or take a few pounds... ok it's yo-yoing by 5 pounds... and my muscle weakness... has an excuse... (now I know why I keep dropping stuff). My heart palpitations I'm keeping track of with a fit bit, my hair... my hair is falling out most noticeably at the temples and the cowlick at back of my head, so I shaved my hair off. Well most of it anyway, in the hopes that less weight, product, damage, and ability to pull it would keep the rest of my hair on my head. 

Lovely glamor shot of my hair falling out.

My anxiety fluctuates... it's easily calmed by an email, letter or phone call from half way around the world, and if it flares and I can't get ahold of my Michael, I just go back through our emails, messages and photos and know that I have a rock holding me tight in spirit. My exhaustion is rampant, my dreams have gotten wild, and the rest of the symptoms just happen. I'm taking my meds religiously thanks to a reminder on my phone, and I'm fighting this fight the best way I know how... by completely ignoring it. 

I'm trying to live normally, I'm trying to keep my smile on my face, and I'm trying to get to California before I die. Hehe!

Love you all,

Kelsey